“Dropping our kids off at college was one of the hardest things we’ve had to do as parents,” says Xihui Newman, whose daughter, Ashley, is a first-year architecture student at Syracuse University.
Her husband, Courtland, nods in approval. Of their three college-aged kids, Ashley, 18, is the Newmans’ only daughter.
“She’s a source of deep pride and joy,” he says with a trace of emotion. “We also know that, as her parents, we need to step back and let her go. Ashley is in good hands at Syracuse University.”
Missy Mathis-Hanlon G’95 hears this type of thing a lot. As director of Syracuse’s Parent and Family Services, she helps parents, families and guardians navigate their student’s Syracuse journey.
We recently caught up with her and the Newmans—fresh from a three-day road trip from their home in Miami—to discuss college transition tips for parents.
What led you to Syracuse University?
Historic Slocum Hall houses the School of Architecture, where Ashley Newman is enrolled in the five-year B.Arch. program.
Xihui: It was all Ashley. She’s a very talented artist with a strong interest in architecture. She did her homework, researching all the best programs in the country.
Funny, her response to getting into a good program in Florida was, like, “yawn.” But when Ashley opened her Syracuse acceptance letter, she began screaming and jumping for joy.
What was the application process like?
“We want Ashley to thrive [and] make new friends,” says her father, Courtland. The family resides in Miami.
Courtland: Easy-peasy. Ashley did all the work, and admissions representatives answered any questions she had.
Xihui: We didn’t anticipate her switching majors before the first day of classes. Ashley originally enrolled in industrial and interaction design but, after visiting campus, realized that the B.Arch. program was more in line with her goals. Switching turned out to be an easy process.
How can parents help their kids adjust to college?
Ashley’s mother, Xihui, at Fall Move-In. “My husband and I strive to be good role models,” she says.
Missy: Fostering autonomy is the best thing you can do as parents because it instills confidence in young adults and prepares them for real-world challenges.
Letting go doesn’t mean you’re turning your back on your kids. Rather, it shows that you believe in them. You’re giving them permission to learn from their mistakes and, ultimately, to succeed on their own terms.
Courtland: We don’t want to micromanage Ashley’s life, especially at Syracuse. Instead, we want her to thrive—to make new friends, join a student club or organization or volunteer in the community. Grades are important, but they’re not everything.
Xihui: Independence isn’t possible without open, honest communication. We’re learning how to talk less and listen more.
What resources does the University offer?
New Student Orientation resource fairs are among the many opportunities available to Orange families and supporters. “We’re here to help everyone have a positive experience,” says Missy Mathis-Hanlon G’95, director of Parent and Family Services.
Missy: Our team organizes Family Weekend; assists with Family Orientation sessions; and oversees the Orange Family Connection Portal, which provides important information about support services, resources and programs.
Our Critical Conversations page is especially popular with families. It contains conversation prompts about issues like time management, self-care, communication and family values.
What advice do you have for fellow parents?
Xihui is genuinely excited about Ashley’s new-found autonomy. “Independence isn’t possible without open, honest communication,” she says.
Courtland: I’ve learned that children need to be challenged and supported. Micromanaging or hovering implies a lack of trust. It’s important to give our kids the time and space to step into their true selves.
Xihui: If I’ve learned anything about sending Ashley to Syracuse, it’s that I’ve done OK as a parent. My husband and I strive to be good role models.
Missy: As the mother of a college student, I encourage parents to shift from a manager to a supporter. The University is here to help students—and their families—have a positive experience.
